Chapter 23: Lessons

Some days I feel like a real bump on a log. Especially when I get the impression from others that I am.

Hudson is on a schedule. I’m no soup nazi about it, but I stick to it. He’s not forced to wake up at 9am and eat at 11am and nap at 1pm and… you get my drift. My life is not ruled by the clock. It’s actually the opposite – I rule the clock.

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I believe it’s because I can’t currently “do much.” Hudson is only awake for 2 hour increments and therefore I don’t have a lot of time. I definitely cannot go and hang out/shop/see movies/etc. for hours.

Scratch that. I can. I choose not to.

Our routine appears restricting. I stay relatively close to the house so that my schedule is not disrupted. OCD? No. I’m not OCD. I’m happy.

I was thinking about this today, while doing the dishes during the regularly scheduled nap and it dawned on me:

I am happiest when my life appears restricted to others.

My routine may look like I’m held back, that I can’t go and do things. I haven’t seen the new Star Wars movie. {Don’t you dare spoil it for me either} Yet, despite the looks and the judgements, I’m so happy.

While thinking about this, I had another epiphany.

I am happiest when I do things that looks restricting to others. Now think about being Mormon for a second. We appear to be restricted. I don’t drink. I don’t smoke. I don’t do lots of things — and the world judges me, or at least finds me peculiar. They think my life is held back, that I’m not free.

The exact opposite is true.

I am so blessed by promising to live a certain way, even though it may not be popular to those around me.

Staying home and raising a child and being on a schedule may not be popular compared to others standards. I try not to use babysitters and it’s not because others aren’t good at watching Hudson or I don’t trust them. It’s because I need them to stick to a schedule – my schedule. And that’s a lot to ask of someone else.

Hudson is happier when on a schedule. He rarely cries. And honestly, the same goes for me.

We are so blessed in the littlest of ways. I am blessed by putting my wants aside for Hudson’s happiness. Of course I want to spend 5 hours at Nordstrom. OF COURSE I DO. But what do I want more? Sound sleep, a clean{ish} house, a happy baby, a happy husband. Putting his happiness ahead of mine in a very temporary and silly sort of way, makes me ultimately happy.

I’m so grateful that Hudson is in our life. I’m grateful that he’s teaching me little lessons through what can feel mundane and tiresome. I’m grateful for the realization that though I may be appear restricted in our current schedule, I’m truly happy. I’m grateful for the gospel of Jesus Christ in our lives. I’m grateful that Hudson loves when I read to him stories about our Heavenly Father.

HE is the reason my life is happy. He is the reason of the season.

Merry Christmas to all, and to all – a sound, uninterrupted, scheduled – goodnight!

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