Chapter 13: Opening Our Hearts Again

We’re back!!

 

Alright, I’ll start at the beginning.

As you all know, we were heartbroken and grieving in November and December. It’s not easy to jump back into the adoption waiting game, knowing that you could experience another failed adoption. We have to put ourselves 100% out there, be 100% genuine, and give 100% of our love to every person that contacts us. Which is why our profile was no longer online. We weren’t ready to give 100% of ourselves. We were grieving – and that’s okay to do.

I was ready a little sooner than Bryce to try again. I kept worrying that we would miss her. That she (whomever she is) would choose someone else because she didn’t have the opportunity to see our profile. However, I love Bryce and didn’t want to pressure him into anything he wasn’t comfortable with. So our profile stayed off the internet. And I remembered that God would lead her to us if we were meant to find her, regardless of whether or not our profile was on the internet. He works in mysterious ways.

So we carried on with our lives. We went to Oregon for the week of Christmas and spent it with our family. It was wonderful. Somehow, family is so healing and just what the doctor orders. I feel like whenever something tragic happens, you should automatically be given at least a week to spend with family. Drop everything and go. Even though our family is crazy – they are healing. There’s something magical about family that I can’t quite put my finger on… but they do wonders for the soul.

Bryce (like usual) went out shopping on Christmas Eve for all of my presents. He excels at procrastinating. Every year I wonder what in the heck he will get me on Christmas Eve that I actually want. And every year he always pulls it off. Why fix it if it ain’t broken?

Christmas morning came and we exchanged gifts.

SIDE NOTE: I usually wake everyone up around 5 am, filled with anticipation and joy. I’ve never grown up in this respect, and I can’t help myself. Well, this Christmas I thought “these people complain that I wake them up so early that I simply won’t this year – and then they’ll stop complaining.” WRONG. These people complained ALL CHRISTMAS MORNING that I didn’t wake them up and apparently they all went to bed early so they would have enough sleep, in anticipation of my early morning antics. The lesson here: Don’t change. People like the crazy that you are. 

Bryce handed me my gifts and I handed him his. One was a card. Men don’t usually contemplate over cards in the card aisle like women do. However, Bryce did and even added to the wording of the card. My heart melted. And it had glitter.

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This is what the inside of the card reads: (italics are Bryce’s additions)

Every tradition we celebrate, every picture we take, every kiss we share, every memory we make… Every tear we shed, every goofy handshake we make up, every trial we overcome, every terrible movie we laugh at… I love every part of Christmas and marriage because of how much I love being us. Merry Christmas. I love you very much! I’m sorry for the terrible ending to this year and hope 2015 can build our family. I want to put our profile back online ASAP because it’s time to find our child. Baby boy/girl is out there and we need to bring him/her home. I love you – Bryce

Grab a tissue.

Such bliss. I love this man.

It’s been interesting seeing how people responded to the news that we wouldn’t be adopting… One comment that was prevalent was along the lines of: “I’m so sorry. This must be really hard for Courtney.” Excuse me? *Insert sassy z-snap* Bryce is on this magic carpet ride too. And he cried just as much, he cared just as much, he was affected just as much, he hurt just as much, and he loved just as much. This is OUR adoption, not Courtney’s. Bryce is so ready to be a daddy it makes my heart hurt. I wish it were that easy.

Well, after hugs and smiles and tears I picked up my cell phone and sent Parent Profiles an email, letting them know we would like our profile live again. Elaina, bless her heart, responded within a few hours (if that) and we were live on Christmas Day. Why she checked her work email on Christmas morning, I haven’t the faintest idea. But we are both grateful for it.

This time around we decided we wanted to do more. Not just rely on the internet but on our friends. We’ve begun sending out Pass Along Cards with our information on them to help make conversations about our hopes to adopt a little easier. Think of it as being a missionary, with the mission goal of finding our forever family. In addition, we are doing a #hopingtoadopt60days challenge on Instagram, to share with others a lot more about us to get to know us even deeper. We’ve also added our Dear Expectant Parent letter to our website and an InfoGraphic about us.

We feel such happiness going forward with 2015. It’s interesting to look back at our life together. The timeline goes something like this:

2004: Meet and fall in love
2005: Wedding bells
2006: BLISS
2007: BLISS
2008: BLISS
2009: BLISS
2010: BLISS
2011: Discuss trying to begin our family
2012: Start trying to build our family
2013: Learn of our infertility
2014: Begin the adoption process
2015: unknown

Thank you all for following along with our story. We feel such hope that our child is out there and that an amazing woman will find us and become part of our family.

Happy New Year!