Chapter 1: The first step

Have you ever been so nervous you felt like you might throw up?

That’s how I felt when driving to the adoption agency for our consultation. I couldn’t be more afraid. Why? What could they possibly say to us that we haven’t already heard?

You can’t have kids.

That’s what they could say. Yes, I was being over dramatic. I couldn’t help it. We’ve already been told that once, and hearing it from someone else would be crushing. I’m not sure why I thought we would be rejected.

I lied. I do know why I thought we would be rejected.

Infertility. Infertility makes you think this way. What you want more than anything in the world will not happen. Our dreams for a family have been torn apart. Then the awful self-evaluation sets in.

“I should lose weight before we begin to adopt.”
“We should have more $$$ in our bank account before speaking with them.”
“Are we getting too old?”

You get the point. And I know deep down inside buried under the infertility thoughts that we are perfect in our imperfections.

The consultation couldn’t have gone better. We felt extremely comfortable. We were even told that we have a few things going for us. However, adoptions rarely happen just because your name is on the agency’s roll. It takes hard work, marketing yourself, and utilizing connections. Most adoptions happen through connections. The agency is there to facilitate.

Please, share our story with everyone. You never know when you, a friend, or a friend of a friend will come in contact with a girl who is making extremely difficult decisions. Please be open and receptive to her needs. Pray for her. Pray for her to find us.

This is not going to be easy. The odds of our hearts being broken are high. Yet, despite the crazy emotions we feel and will continue to feel through it all, we hope. Hope that one day a birth mother will choose us to raise her child. She will look past our imperfections and see that we are a loving couple who want nothing more than to help. We want an open adoption. We want communication. We want her to find us, so we can have a family. Together.